Introduction and a Few Recent Thoughts

Hello there! While most people who actually read this probably know all about me, I figure I should include a little bit about myself in the off chance that someone I don't know stumbles upon it. My name is Chelsie Staker. I am 24 years old and I from Utah. I am married to Nickolas Staker. We were married on May 26, 2012. Cue the adorable wedding picture.

It has been a great time so far and there hasn't been a day that I've regretted it. He always finds a way to make me smile and I know he will always be there for me. Anyways, Nick is currently attending school and will graduate with a degree in Mechanical Engineering next spring. I graduated last spring with a degree in English Education. But unfortunately, the area I work in hasn't had a lot of opportunities for me so I currently work in retail. I come from a pretty awesome family that I am SO lucky to have. My favorite times are always spent with them. I have three sisters.

.                                                     Here we are looking fabulous.
I also have three amazing brothers.

                                            Yep, totally stole this from my brother's Facebook :)
And I've got two sets of awesome parents but I don't think they would appreciate a picture moment so let's just end it with I love them all :)

A little more about me: I love to read. I mostly read YA novels but I'll pretty much read anything. I am currently (occasionally reading) The Wheel of Time Series, The Fault In Our Stars, Someday, Someday Maybe and Les Miserables (This one is VERY occasionally because while I absolutely adore the story and am obsessed with the musical, I find the book VERY difficult to get through. One day.....). I also love music (both listening to it and singing it) and I love to write. Although I have been slacking on the writing for awhile. But THAT is why I'm here. I started a new journal tonight because I have been horrible at writing since I got married but I want to be better. While I was writing in the journal I thought "I should be all modern and also start a blog!" Now, I obviously won't share everything on here that I share in my journal but I will share the things that I think others might be interested in or be able to gleam some ray of...something from.  The purpose of both this and my journal is not only to share the details of my life but also to express myself. Because sometimes life is hard but sometimes life is awesome and everyone needs an outlet for the pain and frustration but also for the happiness and love.

One more important thing about me, and probably one of the most important things, is that I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints and I am a daughter of God. At times I may lose sight of that but my loving Heavenly Father always finds a way to remind me that I need only have faith in him and his plan to be truly happy. The Gospel has always been a blessing in my life and I am SO grateful for the knowledge that it brings me. If you would like to know more about what we believe please visit mormon.org.

Anyways, I think that is enough about me for now. I've been thinking a little lately about loss and grief. A friend recently told me to read a blog called "The Moments We Stand". It is about a mother of five young children whose husband was killed by the husband of a woman he was having an affair with. His wife, Ashlee, did not learn of the affair until after he was gone. The blog entries are all about how Ashlee and her children dealt with (and are still dealing with) his death. It is a sad story but I was most touched by her forgiveness and her testimony throughout it all. I really encourage you to read it if you have ever struggled with loss, forgiveness, or betrayal. So this is what got me thinking about loss and grief. And then on Facebook this week I have seen that several people I know have lost someone close to them. And while I didn't know any of this people, I was still sad because I can't help but think of how hard it is to lose someone close to you. So i guess what follows are some jumbled thoughts I've had on the subject that I felt like putting into some kind of form. This is a SUPER rough draft so don't judge me. I just wanted to get the thoughts down and play a little bit with structure. So here it is:

                                                                 

Void

And now you're

GONE

Where you used to be

Is                                                                             A                                                                        Void

Those you left behind wonder

                                                                     How             It?

                                                                           Do     Fill

                                                                               WE

There was a PERSON here

and now....

Nothing.

Some will fill it with ANGER

Pushing everyone                                                                                                                              Away.

No one can getclose because it hurts too much.

Some will leave it HOLLOW

Letting no one in.

Wondering how everyone else goes on.

And those we count lucky, maybe they're the smart ones

They will fill it. 

with HOPE,

HOPE of seeing you again,

HOPE in the legacy of YOU,

YOUR smiles, words, and bright eyes,

left behind.

And though we know

the VOID will always be 

            THERE.

We hope for the day when

thinking of you hurts a little less and

                  JOY

                    IN

                 YOUR

                   LIFE

is all the remains.